It is the beginning of a new year. Many of us are considering new goals for the year like “exercise every day!” and “eat healthy.” While these are great places to start, many of us have trouble following through on resolutions and become discouraged when we don’t meet our goals for the year. I’d like to think about our resolutions in a new light that will not only help us to follow through, but also will help us to not become discouraged when we inevitably do not meet each impossible goal to a T. Let’s dive in.
1. Set intentions rather than resolutions
Intentions? Resolutions? What’s the difference? Well, when most people think of resolutions, they think of a goal that they must meet. The goal is rigid and often comes with unnecessary pressure that works in the opposite way than we want it to. Where a resolution brings pressure, intention brings purpose. Intentions are based in values, and when we set goals that align with our values, we are more motivated and more likely to follow through with them.
2. Set goals that align with your values
Let’s think about values. What is important to you? What do you believe in? What drives you to act? These are our values. Values are like a compass that points us in the right direction, not a destination that we reach. One example of a value might be health. A goal that is based in health might sound something like: “Health is important to me. Because it is important to me, I am going to work out at least two times a week.” In comparison, a resolution might sound something like “I want to lose 5 pounds by the end of January.” Note where the intention is based in value and is aspirational. It does not foster discouragement that might occur, for example, if you don’t lose 5 pounds by the end of January. When you are thinking of your intentions for the year, first reflect on your values.
3. Make SMART goals
After reflecting on and identifying your values, set SMART goals. What is a SMART goal?
S – Specific
M – Measurable
A – Attainable
R – Relevant
T – Time-bound
Setting goals that are SMART will help you see your progress and set goals that you CAN achieve!
4. Practice self-compassion
Once we have set our SMART, value-based goals and intentions, we inevitably will have pit falls because working on goals is not easy! It is only natural that we engage in a little bit (or let’s be honest, a lot a bit) of self-criticism. That inner critic can be loud and mean and knows just what to say to hurt us the most. And while those inner critics are probably trying to help us improve, they often have the opposite effect and discourage us to the point where we give up. While it is much easier said than done, a more effective way to help us reach our goals is to offer ourselves a bit of compassion. Try picturing a good friend and imagine what they might say or do for you. Or perhaps Ted Lasso – anyone else hearing “be like a goldfish”? or “BELIEVE.” It can be challenging to treat ourselves with compassion. Beginning with “I can see you’re having a hard time right now; don’t worry I’m not going anywhere” can be a good place to start.
By reflecting on what is most important to us, setting SMART goals, and offering ourselves some compassion when we face obstacles, we are more likely to follow through on goals that really matter to us. Here are some links that can assist you in identifying your values, setting goals, and practicing self-compassion.
Value list:
https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/
Goal stepping:
goal stepping.pdf
Self-Compassion:
https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-practices/#tips-for-practice
https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/a-slight-change-of-plans/the-science-of-self-compassion
– Julia Phelps is a Licensed Professional Counselor for Health West. She earned her bachelor’s degree from the College of Idaho and her Master of Counseling degree from Idaho State University. She speaks both English and Spanish and is particularly passionate about mental health in rural and underserved communities.
